All students know the truth chalked in the stars
That football is a game played in two halves,
And so it was in 2024,
First half to Rishi, then he dropped the ball,
July 4th, electoral wheels turned,
A government in crisis crashed and burned.
Farewell Gillian Keegan, no free school meal
For threatening to punch out Ofsted in her zeal,
For curbing foreign students (in boats or not),
Leaving skills gaps gaping and unis shocked,
Or saying schools should cease being gender-ified,
She advanced a British Standard, then retired,
And farewell Robert Halfon, Gandalf-like,
Apprenticeships for Hobbits? On your bike!
Freedom of speech on campus to fight the woke,
When is a lass a lass; a bloke a bloke?
When undergraduates mate with apprentices,
Is this transgressive or just skilful bliss?
We’ll never know, since Robert stepped aside,
His policies stuck in blue formaldehyde.
His successor (Luke Hall) briefly just had time
To make one change, not much of a surprise,
A little learning’s dangerous, so we hear,
But Lifelong Learning was put back a year.
And so the Starmer age has now begun,
An age of missions, of Bridget Phillipson,
A new Skills Minister – “Jacqui who?” we asked,
Smith – a legend from a far-off past,
A heavyweight who knows Westminster’s ring,
Who knows which moves to make, which gloves to bring,
She came out swinging, policies and plans
Aplenty - new Growth Levy, Skills England,
Reform of FE, HE, Level Seven –
Us policy geeks are in a kind of heaven!
Green papers, White, with Bills and Acts to follow,
Consultations in which we all can wallow,
Industrial Strategy, school curriculum,
New pay deals – well, at least for some -
Because there’s no new money, as we’ve seen,
To oil the rusty wheels of our skills machine.
But let’s be optimistic, though we’re skint,
There’s hope on the horizon, just a glint,
New policies are promising and bold,
A growth rainbow might bring a pot of gold,
And Lifelong Learning’s back! Let’s give a cheer -
(Though once again, put back another year.)
A little learning is a dangerous thing,
But Lifelong Learning might change everything…
(With apologies to Alexander Pope)
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